On Patience

My friend Kate asked me, early on, if I would let her know what surprises I found in being a parent.

First surprise: I now know what patience is.

This really seems like it shouldn't be a surprise; you always hear about the stereotypical parent saying to the screaming child "You're trying my patience!"

Except, for me at least, that's not the situation I find my patience to be trying. It's not the loud situations. When Kai has a meltdown in the line at Petco, I don't find myself needing patience. He's screaming. My focus at that point is entirely on him. Diaper? Hungry? Tired? I stash my basket off to the side and head out to the car. I diaper him if needed, or usually, I sit in the car and nurse him. Sometimes he goes to sleep, sometimes he was just hungry. I put him back into the Ergo and we go back about our business. I've nursed him down in cafes and at the farmer's market too. Heck, I've even nursed him down to sleep in the Ergo while walking around the visitor center at a national park.

It's a stressor when he's upset, but dealing with him while he's upset does not require patience. No, patience is dealing with him when he's quiet.

It's the times when he's had a bad day, and I've finally got him to sleep on me. Because I've just nursed him,  I'm desperately thirsty. My water is in the other room. But even if it was here, I wouldn't drink it because I really need to pee. OMG. Need to pee.

Child, why is it the only way you could fall asleep was with my arm at this weird angle? It's starting to strain. The pillow is just out of reach on the other side of the couch. And my hand is falling asleep.

I'd try to do something to keep my mind off of it, but I left my headphones in the other room as well. At least now that we have 4 laptops in the house, there happened to be a computer in reach.

Oh, and because you were crying earlier, I missed my lunch. And now it's 2:00. I'm hungry. I'm hungry, and I'm thirsty, and I'm bored, and my arm hurts, and I really need to pee.

But I'm not moving a damned muscle because then you'll wake up.

That is patience.