On Registries

Let's start simple: I hate baby registries.

The theory is that by registering for gifts, I will be ensured that people purchase gifts that I want and can use. The people buying the gifts (usually relatives) can easily pick out a gift and feel it will be used.

This model assumes a few things though:

1) It assumes that my relatives stay on the registry (HA!)
2) It assumes that a single store (or a couple stores) carries the items that I want.
3) It assumes that I even know what I want.

When my mom told me I needed to create a registry, I figured fine, no problem. I'll go find a couple of those baby item checklists, remove anything that doesn't seem applicable to me, and then add stuff to the registry in colors I want.

I sat down on one Saturday morning to knock this off my to-do list. First up: bottles.

6 hours later, I was still trying to muddle my way through the ten gazillion types of bottles. I think I threw something at Saul before putting him in charge of finding a stroller.

And therein lies the real problem with registries. I don't want to tell people what to buy me, and then receive it, and then write a thank you note for the thing that I asked for. This is a roundabout way for me to receive money from my relatives. Perhaps this would make some sense if I had no money, but honestly, I can afford to buy some bottles. What I could use is someone to tell me what bottles to buy. Are the Dr. Browns 6-part bottles worth the hassle? Do I need the Tommy Tippee shaped-like-a-boob bottles to prevent nipple confusion? Or can I get away with the Medela bottles that fit my pump?

Of course, having no registry would have its own problems. In addition to duplicates, my relatives would have to know what the latest in baby paraphernalia is. Since I'm the first in my generation to have a baby, none of them are aware of Snappis, or Aden and Anais blankets, or stroller/car-seat travel systems, or the Medela Freestyle.

Even more so, they would have to know me. They'd have to know that we're trying to be as environmentally friendly as we can. They'd have to know that we try to stay minimalist when it comes to "stuff". They'd have to know that we're cutting back on plastic and prefer wooden toys or books. And that any toys with sound will be paying a visit to a pair of wire cutters.

I suppose in an ideal world, they would know me well enough, and we'd all be in enough communication with each other, that this wouldn't be an issue. Sigh.

So, I had to make a registry. Several people went off registry. Some (those who knew me well) got me some great gifts that I didn't know I needed. More got me items that I either already had or didn't want, and I had to take them back. In a few cases, I couldn't take them back since there was no receipt and was stuck with a rectangular flannel swaddle blanket for my summer newborn. And at least one relative complained about the items on my registry. (Seriously. She called and asked my mother if she had approved it.)  

The thing is, I didn't want their money. I just wanted information. I asked a lot of friends with babies for information, but I didn't get much. I realize now that they were so sleep deprived at the time that they can't remember anything.

Therefore, as long as I'm feeding Kai at 4am, I might as well be helpful to my friends and cousins. I'm going to try to chronicle those things that I found useful, and those that I didn't, and those that weren't for me, but might be for you. My baby gift to you.